We think, well if I can just control everything, my life will be better. Or, if I can make everything go my way, the world will run a little smoother.
Well, It does’t work like that. In reality, control is rooted in fear. It is the result of being too attached to a specific outcome we’re sure is best for us, or even, best for someone else.
We are animals, we feel a certain urgency to protect ourselves, we’re hardwired this way. Inside of us we have a longing for security and safety, our fear is what keeps us alive and safe. This comes in handy in some extreme aspects of life. It’s what stops us being run over or eaten by a bear, or falling to our deaths from a clifftop. We need fear in some circumstances, but the issue arrises when we use it in the wrong aspects of our lives.
Ground yourself. You are living in the future with the control mindset and not allowing yourself to be present. In turn, setting yourself up for disappointment.
If we have an expectation in our mind of how things are supposed to be, or how someone is supposed to be, how can we ever be content? If that thing or person doesn’t meet our expectations, we are automatically disappointed.
When you really think about it, it’s actually funny how we can get ourselves in these awful positions of discontent just from our thoughts. None of which, is a reality.
The trick is to surrender.
Surrender = complete acceptance of what is and faith that all is well, even without my input.
The energy of surrender accomplishes more than the energy of control. Too many of us see 'surrender' as a negative, we think it means weakness. In reality, surrender can be the strongest and most courageous thing we can do in a situation, it shows incredible growth and empowerment. When we trust that we're ok, no matter what circumstances come our way, we don't feel the need to micro-manage the universe and we gain a sense of freedom, the ultimate sense of freedom we can ever have; the freedom from our thoughts.
Sometimes, it's as easy as noticing you're in control mode and consciously and deliberately choosing to let go. You need to observe your patterns. The first place to start, is figuring out where your need for control stems from. It's usually an event or a series of events from our childhood that have brought us to this point. So think hard, what in your life could have planted this seed?
How can you change your approach to this? Hold on to the only thing we can control in our lives, and that's how we approach situations and how we choose to react. So what can you do that will help you get over this rooted desire inside of you? Next is to ask yourself; what is it that I'm afraid will happen if I let go of control? And then follow this with; what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation? What would be the worse outcome if I don't control this one thing? Often, it's a lot less impactful than you think. This really helps to put things into perspective and heighten your awareness.
What does freedom look like to you? Write down all the things you can think of that means freedom to you.
It might be kindness, a clear head, etc. Does this particular need for control of this one thing contribute to your freedom? Would it benefit you in any way? Would letting go feel like freedom?
These are all powerful questions to ask yourself when you feel like you're being drawn in to a previous pattern of behaviour or thinking. It brings you back to the present moment.
Albert Einstein
Believing the universe is always working to give us what we want is a powerful belief. Trusting in the process and knowing that the universe is always on your side, can change your mindset and help you on your way to letting go of the need for control. If we believe that the universe is hostile and we live in a state of lack, i.e., why me? We then attract more of that negativity to us. Stop comparing yourself to others, we are all on our own path and everything you dream of will come to you in perfect timing.
Stop looking around and start looking inwards, pay attention to your body and listen hard. Our energetic reaction to certain situations and people is a telltale sign — if something really doesn't feel right inside of you, it probably isn't. Be aware of your body and observe where you are feeling it. Presence conquers all; with presence, you are able to express gratitude, tune in and embrace trust — knowing that you will be taken care of.
Connect to the breath — when you're feeling anxious and you've acknowledged that you're living in the future, connect to your breath. Do a quick body scan, again, observe where you're feeling it and where you are tense. If you are unable to silence your thoughts, concentrate on counting the breath, or saying 'in and out' on the inhale and exhale. This is a powerful practice to calm anxiety.
Trust means belief, and belief means you respect and honour yourself. Can you see how this can support your growth and wellbeing?
The universe is constantly working, all you have to do is manage your approach to the obstacles sent to you.
From my heart to yours, love always.
EmJ
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